Cooking and Other Recipes for Whatever Ails You
Cooking is probably my only hobby. And I take the same amount of pleasure doing it as when I’m working, which is saying alot. So, I thought I’d write about some of the things I cook for comfort and health, but also share some weird recipe “cures” I came across in a book I was reading by Michal Oron, called Rabbi, Mystic, or Impostor?, which I’m reviewing for a scholarly journal. This fascinating book included a translation of a diary written in the eighteenth century that ended with a list of bizarre folk remedies. While reading a few, I burst out laughing. My first thought was, how could anyone believe or do these things for cures? But then I thought of Trump’s suggestion that ingesting bleach might cure Coronavirus, and then many of his supporters did! In fact, the Center for Poison Control suddenly had a huge uptick in calls about bleach poisoning. And, of course, we live in an age of “fake news,” an age where many people (even presidents) distrust science. Perhaps not much has actually changed, or maybe we’re reverting back to an age of superstition, which seems preferable to some rather than the Enlightenment’s age of “reason.”
First, here are a few of my improvised, so-called “recipes.” I consider these to serve as inspiration, not something to be followed to the letter, which is why I’m not a baker. Tasty, colorful things lift my spirits, but are also therapeutic to me—kind of a body/soul connection. But as laughter too is good for you, as many studies have shown, I will end with some of the hilarious folk remedies I mentioned. Yes, yes, I know I have an awful, lowbrow sense of humor and confess I’m no witty intellectual. But I hope you’ll let your elevated guard down in reading them. They are most funny when you visualize the instructions. And we all need a little humor these days, don’t we?.
) Pasta -- can’t give it up, but I only use good imported Italian pasta. With various sauces:
a. Saute fresh tomatoes, red pepper, and a lot of garlic in olive oil, and let it caramelize a bit. Add anchovies if you want and cook until they melt. (Add salt if you really like salty.) Stir in your pasta (which you cooked while the sauce simmered). Serve with plenty of fresh-grated parmesan regianno. (If you want to look fancy, adorn with three basil leaves.)
b. A variation to the sauce as you’re cooking would be to add a jar of good imported tuna in olive oil, drained (tuna in water is dry). Cook it all together. Maybe add some capers? You may or may not want parmesan with the tuna. up to you. Or you can add the tuna and capers the next day to whatever pasta sauce is left. That way you get two different meals with no additional work.
c. My simple pesto dish consists of basil, walnuts, garlic, excellent olive oil, and parmesan regianno. Wash and dry a bunch of fresh basil. Peel and chop a bunch of garlics. Put the garlic and a handful of walnuts in your Cuisinart. (Walnuts are healthier than pinenuts; using more walnuts than most recipes call for tones down the sharpness of the basil, but also means you need less olive oil). Pulse the garlic and walnuts. Then add the basil leaves and pulse. Then olive oil. Then, finally work in the grated parmesan (or pecorino romano if you want it saltier). So many recipes tell you to measure. But why? I say, just make it so it looks and tastes good!
Note: always a green salad or vegetable. For color as well as nutrition. If you are really lazy, just put a handful of baby arugula in a bowl.
2. ) I love to make my pomegranate chicken. All you need are boneless thighs, garlic cloves (of course), a little salt, pomegranate molasses (sometimes called syrup), and a nice pan (10- 12 inches), perhaps nonstick, that has a lid. Heat a little olive oil, stick in the chicken and the garlic cloves (more the merrier), and saute over medium flame. Grind some salt and pepper on it. Drizzle pomegranate syrup over all of the chicken, turn to coat and drizzle more if you want. Then cover the skillet and turn the heat down to simmer until done. Turn the chicken a couple of times. If it’s too liquidy, take the lid off and let it cook down until it caramelizes. (If you have to cut out or down on salt, take it from me, the pomegranate syrup makes you not miss it!).
If you want, you could add to this dish shallots, or carrots or mushrooms. Or throw in a chopped tomato or two. Anything fruit or acidic tenderizes chicken, so if you can’t get pomegranate molasses, use good red balsamic vinegar (same principle!) and sun-dried tomatoes.
Serve with basmati rice (you could fry chopped onions until they’re dark while the chicken is cooking and stir into the rice), and a green salad. Sometime I also enjoy sliced cucumbers or a handful of arugula.
3. ) *Asarita is my take on the so-called “skinny” margarita. And the best part? No sugar, no headache and no hangover. A “clean” drink that’s so simple. Plus it’s something even a diabetic can enjoy! Ingredients: high quality 100% agave silver tequila (the cheap ones have sugar and other additives), ice, and a nice big juicy lime. This may be too sour for some, in which case add a drop or two of Cointreau or Grand Marnier. Fill a glass with lots of ice cubes. Poor in some tequila. Squeeze ½ a lime into it, then the rest. That’s the way I like it; the more lime the better. It makes it much smoother, especially if you let it sit a few minutes as the ice melts. Very sippable and refreshing! Added value: you can use the squeezed lime rinds as a deodorant! (“Drink and don’t Stink”) Also, it’s a full day’s worth vitamin C!
Note: before starting to cook, make the libation of your choice -- water, apple cider vinegar in water, wine, craft beer, or my “asarita”*.
Okay, now for a couple of hilarious eighteenth-century folk remedies/recipes. I didn’t pick the most offensive, having to do with excrement, though I know that medical scientists now are using poop pills to cure intestinal problems! Just remember that laughter is the BEST medicine.
) For insomnia: “take horseradish and cook in a little water, then chop up in a grinder and spread on the person until he sleeps. Tested and proven.”
2. ) “To make a person sleep: take a dead man’s tooth and place it beneath his head, without his knowledge.”
3. ) “For gout: take a bone from a corpse and wood from gallows, make a charm, and hang it from the neck.”
4. ) “For headache: cook oats in strong vinegar and lay the mixture on the person’s forehead from ear to ear until he sweats.”
5. ) “For a man who cannot urinate: take nine herrings and burn to ashes, or take butter and put together with the burnt herring, boil in water, and give him to drink. Tested and proven.”
6. ) “To cause a person not to wake from his sleep: take the gall of a hare, and place a little in the sleeper’s mouth; he will not awaken until someone urinates straight into his mouth.”
Well, there you have ‘em - My foolproof, delicious recipes and some from ages ago I hope tickled your funny bone, if just for a little bit ;-)